Cris and Sophia being photographed and interviewed

This is a new clip from Maite's documentary about my work and transition.  I was photographing Cris (pregnant) and Sophia at 7 in the morning (the photo is way below, I posted it a while back).  They are amazing.

Family

This is my sister and her boyfriend.  As I was getting ready to take their photo, my dad reached over to fix my sister's hair.  It was such a beautiful and bizarre moment.  I usually refuse to be the family photographer, but my mom had asked me to take some family portraits for her birthday, and this one is, by far, my favorite.  I love taking photographs right before people are ready.

TransMasculinities Opening

A few images from the opening of TransMasculinities,

a show at the Red Gallery in Melbourne, which was curated by Jess Moss.

The show is part of the Midsumma Celebrating Queer Culture festival.

One of my two pieces from the Member series hangs on the far right.

Someone checking out Claire Henry's work 'no skin', next to Amos Macs B&W images.

 

Attending artists: melly niotakis, Gabe M Thomson, Jacqui Brown, LW, and the curator, Jess Moss

The crowd pouring out the door!

Images courtesy of TJ Bateson.  Wish I could have been there.

"Expecting"

This is an image from the series I'm working on called Expecting.  I'm not exactly sure where it's going at this point, so I'm going to refrain from posting all of the images.  It's a series of "pregnant" men, and it has started going in so many directions that I'm taking a break from shooting, and instead I am reading for a while.

When I was preparing to photograph Drew and Maggie, I insisted on taking a test Polaroid of Maite.  She's been documenting me this semester- following me while I photograph 'pregnant' men and spending hours talking about gender.

Midsumma Celebrating Queer Culture

BOOOOOKS!!

I organized a shelf of my books on gender and sexuality. I checked out three more from the library. The other day, I ordered six more from Amazon, and I can't wait for them to get here! I'm not going to need a bookend anymore.

One of the books I got from the library is Politics of Masculinities: Men in Movements by Michael Messner, which has been really excellent so far. Messner says that men's movements position themselves between three points- institutionalized privilege, costs of masculinity, and differences/ inequalities among men. Each of the groups is positioned somewhere in the triad, and is focused more towards one point or side.

Once Upon a Time, Men Wore the Pants

A friend sent this to me- it's the new Docker's campaign (scratch that- Docker's Man-ifesto [no, I'm not kidding]). If this isn't enough, check out the facebook page. It's time to wear the pants.

He's Just Not That Into You

Ever since taking Masculinity, I've been consciously watching movies to pay attention to gender roles (which means I'm often watching silly drama movies). Tonight I watched He's Just Not That Into You. It started out being a movie about how women do certain things and men do certain things. Gigi was too needy and attached to guys she went on dates with (or met at the bar). Beth breaks up with Neil because he doesn't believe in marriage. Gigi meets Alex, who explains the way men work. Gigi throws herself at him- saying he gave her all the signs that they were in a relationship.
Towards the end of the movie, all of the characters confronted one another about what they wanted. Suddenly, the movie was about consent (not just sexually, but in terms of where the relationship was going). Beth tells Neil that he doesn't have to marry her, he just has to be committed. Alex tells Gigi he wants to date her, and she begins to tell him off. She's being firm with him, and then Alex kisses her. And then they're dating. And Neil proposes to Beth. The movie would have been great if it had ended ten minutes earlier, instead of being a happily-ever-after movie, where people communicate and then change their minds and assume they know what their partner really wants.

The Decade in Masculinity

This is a great article about trends in masculinity (and the fabrication of gender expression options for men) throughout the decade, from the Washington City Paper. I found it on Homegrown Boi's tumblr.

"Think boys are simply born into their masculine gender role? Consider, for a moment, how quickly the cultural norms of acceptable maleness can change. The past decade of masculine fads saw cultural expressions of manliness range from finely-groomed boy bands to shlumpy stoners to blowed-out “guidos.” The versions of masculinity that gained popularity in the aughts saw an infusion of traditionally feminine traits—along with a heavy dose of hyper-masculine compensation. Seven of the decade’s enduring expressions of masculinity..."

How to Make a Baby

$100,000 for an artist under 35

The Future Generation Art Prize established by the Victor Pinchuk Foundation is a worldwide contemporary art prize to discover, recognize and provide long-term support to a future generation of artists.

Artists around the world, without restriction of gender, nationality, race or artistic medium may enter the competition through online application.

20 shortlisted artists will be selected to show their work in an exhibition at the PinchukArtCentre (Kiev). These artists will be judged by an international Jury who will award one main prize and up to five special prizes.

The first prize will receive $100,000.

This is my series of pregnant men so far.  The working title is "Expecting".

I had a critique with Laurel Ptak today, she gave me some good advice.

I did a shoot with a "pregnant" guy and his girlfriend in the studio.  I have several images that I am interested in- which ones would you print?  I printed the fourth image on the second contact sheet, but I'm not sure about it.

MICA's Juried Undergrad Show

The 2009 Juried Undergraduate Exhibition is open through Sunday.

I have posted work in the show from the photo department.

All pieces are for sale.

Kottie Gaydos

Aiden Simon- Merit Award

Rachel Hart (left) and Elle Perez (middle)- Honorable Mention

Michelle Scott

Lynley Bernstein (left) and Alex Larsen (right)

Danielle Cirqui

Caroline Van Sicklin

Georgi Ivanov

Rachel Curtis

Jason Taylor (sold)

Men Who Breastfeed

TransMasculinities

TransMasculinities
red gallery
Melbourne, Australia
22 January - 6 February 2010
Opening Friday 22nd January 6-8pm


Off the back of Transmen Translated in 2008, artist and curator Jesslyn Moss presents TransMasculinities, a major Midsumma group show featuring photography, painting, drawing and video by eight artists from around Australia, the UK and the United States. This exhibition explores new models of masculinity and offers a rare insight into the physical and psychological aspects of transgender butch, gender queer and transmasculine experiences. A tasty morsel in the Midsumma visual arts program not to be missed!!

L. Weingarten (St.Louis USA)
J. Aiden Simon (Baltimore USA)
Gabriel M Thomson (Castlemaine VIC)
Mellly Niotakis (Qld)
Jacqui Brown (Melbourne)
Claire Henry (UK)
Jess Moss (Melbourne)
Rohan Spong (Melbourne)

That's So Gay: No Homo

Life is Short.

Pregnant Man Number One

The first in my series of pregnant men.

Why do you photograph?

"What usually happens for me, in my photographic process, is that I photograph things I don't understand, or things that I don't really know anything about, and I try to exercise through the camera- both for myself, and then, of course, for the audience at large."
-Jana Marcus

Why do you photograph?

CALL FOR ENTRIES Tranny Fest

From Fresh Meat

San Francisco's Transgender Film Festival seeks entries for its 2009 Festival, November 6th and 7th. The festival accepts narrative, documentary, experimental, animated films and music videos. All work should be created by transgender/genderqueer people. All work submitted this year must be 10 minutes or under!

Tranny Fest was founded in 1997 and is the nation's first transgender/genderqueer film festival. In the 12 years since, we have exhibited groundbreaking, provocative, outrageous, courageous, moving and innovative works that show the complexity of lives lived on the transgender/ genderqueer spectrum. Tranny Fest is presented by Tranny Fest and Fresh Meat Productions.

DEADLINE FOR ENTRIES: October 1, 2009

Early submissions are encouraged.
There is no entry fee.

FORMAT

We will exhibit works only on DVD (North American format).

HOW TO SUBMIT YOUR FILM

1. Download the Tranny Fest Entry Form (to download: click on link or right click on link and select 'save' to your computer). Fill out the form and print a copy.
2. Send your entry form, and one copy of your work (DVD only) to:
Tranny Fest
c/o Fresh Meat Productions
P.O. Box 460670
San Francisco, CA
94146-0670
USA
3. Email a 300-dpi (high resolution) JPG image for your film to info@trannyfest.com
4. You can include a self-addressed, stamped postcard if you'd like notification that your submission was received (or you may request email notification using the email above).

GUIDELINES

1. Please include all required materials when submitting your entry (All work must be less than 10 minutes long! No exceptions).
2. We cannot return any submitted materials.
3. We will notify you if your work is accepted by October 10th.
4. Once a film is submitted, it may not be withdrawn for any reason.
5. For questions, contact: info@trannyfest.com

International Queer Writing Competition

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE QUEER TO ENTER HERE

Don't miss out! Entries are coming in fast and strong for Chroma's 3rd International Queer Writing Competition.

Judges this year are the acclaimed writers Thomas Glave (short story cetagory) and Cherry Smyth (poetry category). Short stories up to 5,000 words, poems up to 50 lines. There are also prizes for the best trans story (Transfabulous Prize) and the best piece of flash fiction (Velvet Flash Fiction Prize).

Deadline: 7 September 2009.

Check out all the details on our website: www.chromajournal.co.uk/competition

Interview with Katastrophe

More Gay & Lesbian Video At LogoOnline.com

Logo interviewed Katastrophe, a rapper who is trans. I agree with 100% of what he has to say, and he says it very well. So glad to hear someone saying all of these things. Listen to "Man Enough".

New images on the home page

I've started printing my polaroid cliche-verre negatives at 16x20" this week. The prints have a lot of detail (which is lost here), and I'm really excited about them. There are two more on my homepage (and others at the top right icon on my site).

Trans/Giving Film Festival August 8th, 7-9 pm

Copied from Trans/Giving

Trans/Giving will screen short films by transgender, genderqueer and intersex filmmakers. From comedy to experimental, music videos to uncomfortably honest documentary, these shorts will entertain, titillate, and burst open contemporary definitions of gender, sex, and identity.

Selling Yourself Without Selling Your Soul

This summer, Renee and I spoke often about how art schools avoid teaching business skills to students. The solution? How to Survive and Prosper as an Artist, by Caroll Michels. It should be required reading for any art student. If you're super nice and reliable, I might even lend it to you. If you really can't spare the $13, check out her website. It has really useful links, including the Residency Directory and Art Opportunities Monthly. I already feel 100% better about graduating in December.

J. Aiden Simon: The New Gay Interview

This post was submitted by adam

J. Aiden Simon

J. Aiden Simon is aBaltimore-based photographer that recently premiered his newest exhibit “Member” at the D.C. Center that will be up throughout July. TNG got the chance to pick the brain of a talented photographer to see what and who inspires him, his models, his personal experiences, and his upcoming projects.

The New Gay: How did your personal experiences with masculinity and gender identity issues affect or empower your art?

J. Aiden Simon: Well I guess I would say that when I began transitioning at 18, there were a lot of questions about masculinity I couldn’t find the answers for because no one really talks about men’s issues, especially not men. Art has always been a way to discover what’s going on inside of myself and with other people. So I used my photography as a way to start a dialogue with other people about what it means to be a man, and how they interact with the world as a man, and I guess in a way that I couldn’t verbally. It’s allowed people to approach that subject in a way that I don’t think they would have approached personally otherwise.

Continue Reading...

"Installation Shots"

The inside cover

Metro Weekly's purple box w/ me inside

First spread

Second page spread

All photos Yusef Najafi, Metro Weekly

Metro Weekly Cover Story: The Naked Truth

The Naked Truth

J. Aiden Simon's transgender journey to manhood and happiness

Interview by Yusef Najafi
Photography by Todd Franson
Published on July 9, 2009

There are 10 naked men hanging at The DC Center.

They are all covering their genitals, part of "Member," a photo exhibit by Baltimore photographer J. Aiden Simon. Slated to run through the end of July, “Member” explores the different degrees of masculinity among gay, bi, straight and transgender men.

J. Aiden Simon

Simon is one of the 10 standing in the buff. Meeting him, it's impossible to tell that this 20-year-old man was born with the body of a female. That’s because the 5-foot, 4-inch, native of Stamford, Conn., is just one of the guys. He’s certainly masculine. As one attendant during the June 26 opening night of the exhibit pointed out with a friendly laugh, “You are very hairy.”

That’s the point Simon hopes to make: You can’t always tell who is transgender... or gay... or bi.... or straight. And penis size has very little to do with masculinity.

Currently a senior at the Maryland Institute College of Art, Simon has explored similar topics while documenting his own transition to manhood on his Web site with self-portraits, art and even a children’s book called But I’m a Boy. He’s an active member of the GLBT community, helping to lead the Maryland Institute Queer Alliance. And this summer he returns to Stamford for an internship with renowned photographer Renee Cox.

Continue Reading or pick up your own copy at City Cafe

listen

A little piece for Elements. It's maybe 5" square.

Links links!

New links!!

Expressive Movement Study for Transgender Adults (in Baltimore)

This group dance/movement therapy study looks like a lot of fun, and I wish I would be in Baltimore to do it. However, I won't be, so if you qualify, check it out.

Seeking transgender or transsexual participants to share their experiences for research study on body image

Participants must commit to attending a group dance/ movement therapy session 1 evening per week for 4 weeks, and to provide feedback about their experience in the sessions during a 45 minute interview at the conclusion of the session.

To qualify for this study, participants must:

• Be 18 years old or older
• Consider themselves to be transsexual or transgender
• Be in the process of transitioning or adjusting to their desired gender
• Be able to commit to attending all four sessions as well as a 45 minute interview after the last session
• Be able to engage in moderate physical activity
• Not be suffering from a mental illness that involves hallucinations or delusions

• Not be experiencing mental health issues or personal problems that would make it difficult to participate in group process

Sessions and interviews will take place in the Mount Vernon neighborhood of Baltimore at the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender Community Center of Baltimore (GLCCB).

You will be paid a stipend of $50.00 upon completion of your participation in the study. Volunteers will be selected on a first come, first serve basis. Only eight volunteers are needed for this study, so please call today if you are interested!

Please contact Eve Hanan at (410) 350 4605 or email dancetherapyresearcher at gmail dot com for more information.

This study is a graduate research study conducted by a student and sponsored by Drexel University's Creative Arts in Therapy Program.

Photos From My Opening

All photos from The DC Center

Call for Submissions: Gender Outlaws

GENDER OUTLAWS: THE NEXT GENERATION
Kate Bornstein & S Bear Bergman, eds

Deadline: 1 September 2009

In the fifteen years since the release of Gender Outlaw, transgender narratives have made their way into cultural locations from the margins to the mainstream and back again. Today's trannies and other sex/gender radicals are writing a radically new world into being. GENDER OUTLAWS: THE NEXT GENERATION (Seal Press) will collect and contextualize the work of this generation's most forward-thinking trans/genderqueer voices—new voices from the stage, on the streets, in the workplace, in the bedroom, and on the pages and websites of the world's most respected mainstream news sources. Edited by that ol' original Gender Outlaw herself, Kate Bornstein and writer, raconteur, and theater artist S. Bear Bergman, GENDER OUTLAWS: THE NEXT GENERATION will include essays, commentary, comic art and conversation from a diverse a group of trans-spectrum people who live and believe in barrier-breaking lives.

*What we’re looking for*

GENDER OUTLAWS: THE NEXT GENERATION wants to collect work that represents a quantum leap forward in thinking and talking about gender and the gender binary, in the same way Gender Outlaw did almost twenty years ago. So blow us away. Bring the smart, bring the sexy, blind us with science, break the gender barrier, shine a bright light (or a disco ball) on the whole gender situation. Tell us about your future, what you imagine, how you want things to go and what you (and your friends) intend to do about it. Think big.

We’ll look at whatever you have for us – essays, graphic art, interviews/conversations, haiku, rants – as long as you’re thinking smart and fresh about sex and gender (and being an outlaw, of course). We will feel especially keen about your work if it adds to or advances the conversation about gender (as distinct from simply reflecting it, or lamenting it).

People of any identity are encouraged to submit work. This means you – yes, you!

We intend to privilege non-normatively gendered/sexed voices in the book but will include all the good stuff we can, regardless of current identifiers of the author.

*The Details*

Deadline: Sept 1 (early submissions are encouraged). Submissions should be unpublished; query if you have a reprint that you think we’ll swoon for. While we hesitate to list a maximum, please query first for pieces over 4,000 words. If you have an idea and need help writing it out, contact us to discuss an interview-style piece or other accommodations.

Submit as a Word document or black/white JPEG (no files over 2MB). Please include a cover letter with a brief bio and full contact information (mailing address, phone number, pseudonym if appropriate) when you submit. Submissions without complete contact information will be deleted unread. Payment will be $50 and 2 copies of the book upon publication in Fall 2010. Contributors retain the rights to their pieces. Send your submission as an attachment to genderoutlawsnextgeneration@gmail.com.

"Girl Parts Down There"

Somewhat transphobic/misogynistic viral Tampax video
A good analysis

CenterArts Presents J. Aiden Simon June 26th

CenterArts is proud to present the work of Baltimore artist J. Aiden Simon, on display through the end of July at The DC Center.

Stop by the DC Center Friday June 26th between 5:30 PM and 8:00 PM for the opening reception of the exhibit and meet the artist J. Aiden Simon. The DC Center is located at 1111 14th Street NW Suite 350.

Simon's collection of photographs, "Member" developed out of the artist's frustration with monotonous photos of transsexual people: either nudes from the neck down, or clothed transsexual people doing everyday things.

"Member" is meant to portray the diversity of men's bodies in a way that dignifies the models, showing people viewers can relate to, not the faceless bodies of anonymous medical photographs.

Simon aims to increase viewers' awareness of transsexual people and illustrate that it is not always, or even often, evident if a person is transsexual.

The photographs will be in The DC Center through the end of July. The DC Center, located at 1111 14th Street NW, Suite 350, is open to the public Monday through Friday from 2:30 to 6:30 PM.

Edit: The New Gay
Edit #2: The Examiner

I'm a Photographer

Not a public speaker.

Call for Art by or for Trans People

Call for Artists

The curator of Transmen Translated (2008), Jesslyn Moss is seeking people to participate in a new exhibition based on Trans representation for exhibition in January 2010.

I’m looking for visual artwork by or of transgendered people. Artwork could be photographs, documentary video, drawings, paintings or text. I encourage you to e-mail me a short bio (150 words max) and a statement of rationale about your work, plus any images accompanied with a list of titles, dimensions and media for proposed involvement in this upcoming show.

contact@jesslynmoss.com

And-Or

Manon van de Zwaal & Monique Bergen Henegouwen

Last semester, I curated an imaginary exhibition for a contemporary photography class. I called the show "And-Or," and in the next few days I'm going to put the photos on my blog, in the order that you would see them on the wall.

This piece is the first in the show partly because it is the most straightforward. It is quite obviously about photoshopping and the idea of reality. However, the thing that I found interesting about this photograph was that it was presented as a single frame- as if there are two women (sisters?) occupying the same space. The piece also brings up issues of beauty and femininity. Monique Bergen Henegouwen also made a really intersting interactive photography piece, which is linked via the image.


Unknown

When I first found this image, I assumed that it was a photograph of sisters with an intersex condition. However, the two women look strikingly similar even for siblings. I realized that it is before and after Sexual Reassignment Surgery (you can see the iodine stain on the right figure's lower abdomen). However, if you look at the photograph, the figure on the left is taller than the figure on the right. Was this a conscious decision on the part of the photographer?
This image is at once before and after, one woman and two, sharing the same time and space, simply because the images have been put into one frame.

Sun Print

It was a nice day out today, and I had just returned from the city with chemicals,
so I decided to do a UV print on B&W paper.

Accurate fortune cookies- who knew?

I went to a Chinese food restaurant with my parents last night. When I opened my fortune cookie, I laughed and told my dad I must have gotten his fortune. It said that I was due for a promotion soon- seeing how I'm an intern- it's not going to happen.

My dad opened his fortune, laughed, and said he got mine.

Internship with Renee Cox

I've been meaning to post about my upcoming internship with Renee Cox, but I figured I'd wait till I was done with finals and could do justice to how excited I am.

Renee is a NY-based photographer whose work deals with being a woman, being black, and being a Christian. She is incredibly honest with what she's thinking and feeling (during her keynote speech in Falvey Hall [during Unity Week], in front of Fred Laz and The Browns, she asked why we had a projector that wasn't clear, and asked why we hadn't bought another one). She is honest in a way that makes people laugh, even though you take her seriously.



Renee and I are going to be selling her new t-shirt line, Maroonrebel. The shirts are a way of promoting self-education about gender and race. You see a slogan on a shirt, go home and google or wiki it, and learn what the slogan means, where it came from.

This summer is going to be incredible. I have an internship where I'm encouraged to think outside of the box and to work alongside Renee instead of underneath her. I'll have plenty of time to pick her brain about being assertive and digging into The Art World.

Sarah the Ringmaster

From this year's Drag Ball. I think I have a better photo of Sarah that I haven't developed yet.

One Size Fits All

Having recently begun working on my own nude-but-clothed costume, I think this series of photos is great. It brings up so many touchy subjects, in a way that is seen, at the same time, to be perfectly ok (and hilarious) because they are clothed. You can watch a video about the project here.



"Natasha, Peter, Zack and Imogen pose against a garden trellis, bathed in the soft light of a spring afternoon. Man and wife, with one boy and one girl, they are the very embodiment of the wholesome nuclear family...except that they're all naked. Sort of.

"In fact, they're clad head to toe in hand-knitted mohair bodysuits, from which sprout gender-appropriate appendages and thick strands of body hair. Naked suits, if you will. Mom stares blankly ahead, her pillowy pink breasts askew, as her little girl reaches over to poke at dad's fuzzy knitted member. Father and brother look on, grinning. Somehow, perhaps because the suits are so goofy and the subjects so clearly delighted, this scenario manages not to be creepy.

"In Anna Maltz's new series One Size Fits All, families of various configurations don the same suits and pose for conventional portraits, to riotous effect. Julia, Sandra, Katie & Jazz, San Francisco make the case for the two-mommy family (though one gamely dons the daddy suit). Sarah, Peter, Ariel, Calypso, Lola & Arthur, London, are a glowing clan straight out of Rubens - or perhaps Darger, given that the little girls sport tiny penises. Maltz has also created a superman outfit and a mermaid suit, worn to great effect by her bemused subjects.

"Whether Maltz is challenging traditional definitions of family and gender, exploring societal taboos or simply having a ball dressing up her friends, these images aptly convey both the tension and liberation of slipping into a costume to become someone new."

Anna Maltz: One Size Fits All is on view at Lizabeth Oliveria Gallery, 49 Geary Street, 4th floor, San Francisco, CA. For more information, call 415-229-1138 or visit www.lizabetholiveria.com.

Taken from stretcher.org

Same-sex Classroooms- good or bad?

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Color Polaroid Cliche verre prints

Last semester, I was taking alternative processes and color photo, and I decided to try printing some polariod/cliche verre negatives in color. I printed the right image relatively small, and just recently began printing them larger, as per Jack's advice.

Sunset Baby

When I first found these slides my grandfather shot, I couldn't tell there was a baby (me) in some of them. I decided to make a few dyptichs- as I first thought they were more sunset images. They were taken in Arizona in 1988. The other diptychs are on my site, and I'll post a few more pictures later on.

Genius of Photography

During class today, Bob Myaing brought up the BBC documentary series, Genius of Photography.
I've just begun watching it, and I already like it. It's a back and forth type of history lesson, as opposed to a then-till-now narrative. I have a hard time keeping track of what came before what, and think that it's often just the easiest way to teach history. I love when TV is actually engaging.

Links

My links page is finally up. Link to links.

Children Aren't Guinea Pigs!

Somehow, I always end up reading these articles.

Here's what I emailed the editor- every now and then, I try to combat these ridiculous blogs and opinion articles...

O'Hanlon's article compares forced surgical castration of sex offenders to the elected and necessary treatment of transsexual teenagers. These are two very different issues. Forced castration should be illegal, but gender reassignment surgeries are far from forced castration. While it is unfortunate that gender reassignment surgery causes infertility, it is a small price to pay for being able to live life fully. As a transsexual man (that means I was identified as female at birth) who transitioned at 18, I applaud Kim's parents for recognizing her pain and helping her to seek medical attention for a problem whose only solution is hormone treatment and surgery. Parents who deny that their children are transsexual will not cure it by thinking it's a phase that will disappear with time. On the contrary, these parents are telling their children that they don't know themselves, and that they are wrong, bad, and disgusting for being who they are.
Additionally, transsexuality is often called gender dysphoria, not dysmorphia. There are no statistics proving that there are more transsexual people than before- the fact of the matter is simply that transsexuality is at the forefront in the media, and people have access to the internet which allows them to find information and other people like them. The availability of information has allowed parents to network with each other, to be able to form support groups and share success stories. Doctors are recognizing that gender reassignment is allowing transsexual people to live happy, full lives.
I find it fascinating that people are so put off by teenagers and children seeking medical advice. If transsexuality was substituted with any other medical problem, O'Hanlon's article would be laughed out of the paper.
"The last thing patients need is doctors telling them cancer is real. The response to, 'I want to be healthy, it's so unfair', should be, 'Let's leave it a few years and see how you feel then,' not, 'You're dead right, wait here while I get my scalpel.' Cancer is a natural process which is being interrupted by doctors playing God purely because the science lets them do so.That there's a genuine condition called cancer isn't the issue. Some children are so sick that their parents have found them trying to cut out their own tumors. It's also a growing phenomenon -- though that in itself suggests there may be other social factors at play. But none of that means the word of doctors should be accepted as gospel when they say, as they did in Kim's case, that a particular patient 'without doubt has cancer."

Remembering Lawrence King

One year ago next Thursday, Larry was shot by a classmate because he was effeminate and gay.

Larry was killed in California- where people are worried their kids will learn same sex marriage is okay. Maybe if Brandon McInerny was taught that LGBT people were the same as anyone else, Larry life would still be alive.

I could say a lot more, but I think these videos lay it out pretty well.

It's time for us to change the way we're educating our country. We need to do more to protect the lives and well being of all children.

It's Hard to Convey, in Retrospect

A few months ago, I wrote a letter to one of my closest friends. Here it is, almost in entirety.

For a long time, I was not sure if I would tell you about my life growing up or not. On one hand, I felt that telling you would make you look at me differently, that you wouldn’t understand. I thought that the only reason I would tell you was because I felt strange that you didn’t know- that it was simply my discomfort having a friend who didn’t know how I grew up. On the other hand, I felt that I was being dishonest, in a way, and that I didn’t trust you or our friendship enough to share a large and important part of my life with you. I feel like you’re open to more than most people are, which is why I appreciate you so much. Anyway, this is starting to sound really serious… while what I’m going to tell you is important to me, I don’t know what I want from you- I guess I just want you to know.

It’s hard to convey, in retrospect, how emotionally painful it was to grow up feeling like a boy but looking like a girl. It would be easy for me to simplify all of this and tell you that I’ve always known that I’m a guy, that everyone else understood me, that everything I’ve gone through up until today has been easy as pie. However, growing up, I didn’t always understand that I was a guy (although I felt like one), but I did know that I wasn’t a girl. Nobody else knew.
Living as a post-transition man, I rarely have to think about the time in my life when looking at myself in the mirror felt like I was looking at someone else. When I felt male but looked physically female. When I was hesitant to speak to strangers, so that they wouldn’t realize (and I wouldn’t have to hear) my obviously female voice (and know I was transsexual); when I had to bind my chest every day. I had to prove my maleness to everyone- to a very traditional therapist, to my friends, to strangers, and to family. I had to come up with money to see doctors in order to get testosterone and chest surgery. It’s hard to explain how painful it is when people treat you like a girl, or a woman, when you feel like a man. When your brain and your body refuse to acknowledge one another.

When I was in high school, before I realized I couldn’t continue to live in a female body, pretending to be a girl, I couldn’t imagine a future for myself. I cut myself and attempted suicide. For a long time, I didn’t eat much, so that my body was as young looking and androgynous as possible. I was miserable to be around- I didn’t smile often, I had a lot of migraines, and few friends.

I don’t know if you can imagine what any of that was like, but I feel that I’ve known you long enough, and know you well enough, that you deserve (I don’t know if that’s the right word) to know about a big part of my life. I think part of me telling you, also, is that I fight internalized transphobia every day. I often underestimate people, thinking that they will think I’m weird, or gross, because I am transsexual (and more often than not, it really doesn’t matter). I worry that people will think about what’s in my pants instead of thinking about what’s in my brain. I worry that you will view our friendship differently, even though I haven’t changed, you just know something about me that you didn’t know before. Sometimes, I tell myself I’ll bring it up if it’s relevant, that when the right time comes, I’ll tell you. It’s almost never relevant. After a while, I feel I’m just avoiding telling you because there’s just no good time to bring it up. I mean, it’s really awkward to say “hey, by the way, I’m transsexual.”

I really don’t know how to end this letter. I’m still ambivalent about sending it to you, so I’m just going to do it now so I don’t think about it any more.

Last year, I often had dinner with an older trans man, Rob. One night, he brought up an autism spectrum test (this isn't the one he took, but it's similar) he had taken online, where he was given photographs of eyes, and asked to identify their emotion out of four possible answers. He didn't identify many of the emotions correctly, falling into the autism spectrum. He gave the test to his children (he has a son and a daughter), who both thought the test was easy, and fell in the normal comprehension range. Then Rob decided to have the trans men he knew take the test. They also fell into the autism spectrum. The eye test is only one of many tests used to determine whether a person is autistic. However, the test is also used in determining whether you have a stereotypically male brain or female brain.

From there, Rob and I spent several dinners discussing the similarities between autism and female-to-male transsexuality. For starters, there is the "extreme male brain" theory for autism. Autistic people often are good with object-space relationships, math, and patterns, and typically have delayed speech and trouble empathizing. This theory suggests that autism occurs when a person's brain has been hyper-masculinized. See where I'm going?

Scientists have studied mice in order to figure out how human sex development works. Mice receive hormone baths that "sex" their brain after they have been born. Scientists have figured out precisely when this happens, and have administered testosterone to female mice and vice versa. When this is done, the female mice act like males (don't want to be mounted by males [who either mount other males or are unaware that these female mice act like males], and attempt to mount females) and vice versa for the male mice.

In humans (like mice), the sexual differentation of genitalia and of the brain occur at different times. It is thought that transsexuality occurs in cases where the brain has a hormone wash that is incoherent with the hormone wash that differentiated the genitalia. Here's a test to "determine" the sex of your brain.

Anyway, back to autism. I know I'm forgetting a lot of the things Rob and I talked about- there were so many other points and now I'm drawing a blank. So I'll leave you with a question for now- is it possible that female to male transsexuality and autism are both varying forms of over masculinized brains- or perhaps exposure of the brain to testosterone at slightly varying times- and if so, how does this account for autistic transsexual men?

Oh- Rob also brought up two trans men he knew who had children after being on testosterone, whose children are autistic, and whether there's a connection between the hormonal affects on their reproductive organs and their children being autistic. However, I put this point out there with caution, because many trans men have had children, and I have no idea how many of their children are autistic.

edit: also, check out this link about finger length and its link to sexual orientation and autism.

Here's Hoping

I've been trying to get this blog onto my site, www.jaidensimon.com for a while now, without success. I'm obviously not enough of a nerd.